Public Speaking and Stage Fright: How i overcame my fears and became a "confident, alpha, important and seductive trance-inducing speaker"!. My journey and how you can perhaps overcome your own fears.

You may think the words i am describing myself as are too cocky, arrogant or full of myself but that is how i imagine myself when i am out there on the stage or about to go there and i believe that is exactly how i represent myself out there and the reason why everyone always compliments me on how amazing, awesome and great i was after i am done delivering my speech.

There is a back-story to why i have decided to write this post, something happened a day ago and actually last week as well and only now i decided to write this because i realized how much of a big deal public speaking is for some people and it was and is for me and maybe my story could inspire or help someone else who is going through the same trouble.

The Past: My first public speaking experience...oh the horrors

Let me capture your attention by first telling you how terrible i actually was and about my first public speaking i did, Honestly, i don't even want to remember it now because its just one of those experiences of my life that i don't want to repeat ever but telling you about it is the only way you can appreciate the journey i had to go through to be how amazing i am.

It was back in 8th grade, the moment i hit the podium, the realization that the whole school was staring me including my crush and i had their complete attention hit me and it hit me hard. My voice cracked, cracked doesn't actually do it justice, it trembled...oh man it felt terrible. The piece of paper i had started shaking, i couldn't keep it still. I was 15 at the time but the memory is still fresh and it still feels bad. Well you get the idea, it was terrible but that would have been fine.

Of course, there is the bullies...there always are. You have to realize i wasn't your "something wrong with him or different" kind of kid in school, i wasn't fat, had pimples or something weird with my body, i was pretty normal and my shortcomings are the results of very fucked up parenting of both my dad and mom.

So this was their moment to bully me and it was horrible, and ironically my crush is the only person who defended me saying it was great, i knew it wasn't, she knew it wasn't but she stood up for me, Her against the whole class, that is the moment i fell in love with her right there and then. That year was horrible obviously and no i didn't thank my crush or even talk to her, i was too much of a pussy, a wuss back then, i would finish school with a broken heart and just leave with only her memories. Thinking back, i realize she liked me as well if not with the same intensity i did but its too late for a realization.

The present: Meet the "confident, alpha, important and seductive trance-inducing Speaker"

Last week, i was asked to present my assignment in university and i was reluctant or more like afraid. My class has 40+ students including girls and that is a big deal because i have always been in schools with small number of students. I decided to do it anyway because i wanted to be good at public-speaking and there is no other way to overcome our fears than face it head-on.

Its funny how our mind only remembers the intimate details of our failures but not our successes. Its vague and its just last week.

When i went up there on the podium, all i can remember now is i loved it. I loved it because it shows your character and i wanted to show my alpha character to the girls, i was facing them, i had their 100% attention, they were staring at me, i had the whole class's undivided attention and its an intoxicating feeling, whats not there to love ??. There was, an ever so slightly worry of fucking it up which i replaced with "i don't care if i fuck up, i tried my best and that is what that matters and i am going to take this one sentence at a time and see what happens". I relaxed standing behind the podium, took my time to relax, started walking towards the class and started "My topic is...." That was it and off i went. It went so great, my voice was so confident and i simply loved the moment. There was a time when my mind tried to fuck me up thinking "oh man i can't believe i am public speaking" i grew a little self-conscious, just a touch of it and my hands started shaking slightly, at which point i stopped, stood behind the podium to hide my nervousness if it was showing and relaxed, i ignored my mind in fact i grew angry at it and dismissed it. Then started again and it was smooth sailing afterwards.

It was simply awesome, so great in fact that i was the only one who received compliments on how great it was and the praise felt intoxicating, just awesome. Most of all, i was proud of myself and happy because i put myself out there and faced my demons and kicked ass, that is what made me the most happy.

The second public speaking that showed all my awesome qualities

I had to do another presentation yesterday although a little reluctantly (i'll tell why) and telling you about it, i am afraid you will feel i am just being too narcissistic but i don't care. It is my moment.    i

The presentation i did yesterday was far better, the best of my life so far. I was even able to do my seductive stance (i'll write about this someday) to "seduce" the girls and just felt very alpha, non-caring and nonchalant . It just felt "magical" like everything was in right place at the right time, i wanted to make the class laugh and when i would look at someone and just smirk they would laugh, it didn't matter who and i could feel the girls salivating for me.

I received the full marks for my presentation (i am the only one so far) and again received compliments for how great it was.

So why was i reluctant ? The lecturer decided we all had to do a presentation and most hadn't prepared it including me so a lot of the guys were kicked out of class (for not doing the presentation, our teacher is anal like that) and when it came my turn, i was too proud to be kicked out the class for a presentation and decided to present whatever was in my mind at the moment...halfway through the presentation when my mind went blank, i asked the teacher if i could prepare it now off the internet and then present to which he agreed and after 15 minutes having half-prepared the presentation with whatever i could find off the internet, i presented again. So it felt even great because i wasn't even prepared and did so great, in fact one of my friend said to me "you did so great without even preparing, i can't imagine how you would have done it if you had prepared".

The future: My goals

Doing this now, i realize i can speak to even far greater crowds. I want to speak to a thousand, nay millions of people, how i have no idea but i am going to add it to my list of Firsts....to speak to a very very large crowd. Oh and i have been thinking about starting some sort of coaching thing, i helped my friends in university who are so terrible, in fact one of the guy in my class was so terrible his voice cracked and he reminded me of the old me LOL. If you are interested in my help, feel free to hit me up, i will be more than glad to lend a hand.

What i did to be this good and overcome my limitations and fears ?

The first thing that pops into my mind as i am writing this is the quote from the movie "Fight Club".

Self-improvement is masturbation

I love the movie but if you take the above quote as masturbation being a destructive habit (and so is self-improvement) then you are wrong. But on the other hand, if you believe masturbation is a good thing then the quote makes sense. And i think masturbation is neither good nor a bad thing, it needs to be done sometimes but a habit of it is not a good thing, i don't really care honestly. So i changed myself through masturb...err i mean self-improvement. I love the movie but if their intention was to ridicule self-improvement then they are wrong.

I am just going to compile a list of things that helped me tremendously and i believe can help anyone who may be going through the fear of public speaking.

• All the public speaking and stage fright advice you find on the internet except this one of course is BULLSHIT. Its written just for the sake of writing by big companies to grab visitors, thats all.

• VERY VERY IMPORTANT Get this mindset hardwired into you. I am going to give it my best shot, it doesn't matter if i fail or succeed, i am going to try and reward myself for trying. And yes, do reward yourself for it in whatever way you like it, just do something, anything that you enjoy even if it is a guilty pleasure!. Masturbation, eating ice cream, watching TV, sex, whatever your pleasure producing thing is, your goal is to release dopamine and pleasure producing hormones but only when you TRY and give it your best.

• Visualization: Its huge but if you are going to do it, you have to do it right. Our minds are so hardwired into visualizing and thinking failures that visualizing and really feeling a successful scenario in your mind is hard. What i do is i imagine a ridiculous but can be true somewhere in universe scenario. I imagine going up to stage, speaking and all the girls go we love you and fuck us right here or they undress and the whole thing turning sexual. It works, it instills a not caring attitude in your head, and you don't really know, it could come true. After all, visualization is just your mind imagination and not the reality, if you are using it to picture negative outcome or plain boring positive ones, why not visualize something awesome that could also be true. Note that, even if you decide not to use visualization, your mind is doing it anyway and most likely in a negative way (if it was positive, you would be an awesome public speaker now and won't be reading this) so why not put it to good use.

• Your mind is a fucking asshole and deserve to die If it was possible without you dying. I am telling you i am being deadly serious when i say this. Our mind fucks us up!. Our failures are the results of our mind fucking us up. Don't get me wrong though, it is an amazing machine, words can't even express how impressive it is but it generates far too many negative outcomes in an untrained person or maybe in an unsuccessful person, i wouldn't know because i can't see what the mind of a jock or a jerk or ladies man produces, my mind produces negativity, it thinks and imagines negative scenarios and i had and have to tame it to produce only positive outcomes. How do you make the negative thinking stop ? There are a lot of ways i believe, Anthony Robbins suggests reframing into a positive thinking, i haven't read his book but so many people testify its a great read and will change your life. What i do and i learned it from someone else that i can't remember the name of anymore, i have an elastic band stripped to my hand. Yes an elastic band and its there all the time!. Whenever i think of a negative thought or imagine myself failing, i get mad at my mind and pull the elastic band and bam. It fucking hurts and let me tell you it also fucking works. My thought process changes instantly. Its not pleasure as some twisted mind may think, its training. I believe our mind is like a dog, you punish it for bad behavior and reward it for good ones. This is me training my mind and it is working.

• Learn to not care about the outcome Easier said than done right ?. But you can train yourself to not care. Go out there and do something you are afraid of, when you fail still reward yourself for trying. Don't be angry at yourself or be pissed, you are only human and you had a difficult childhood. Whatever your reasoning is, whatever bad things you went through to have resulted in your shortcomings now, just accept it and forgive yourself. If your mind tries to fuck you up and makes you feel bad, discipline it. You tried and that is the only thing that MATTERS.

That is all, it is going to be a constant battle and it isn't going to be easy. I do feel a little hesitation when going to the stage but i tell myself i love this and i don't care and i do love it. Now here are some tips when you go up there and you need a little help.

1. Relax. Go behind the podium, open your notes, lecture, speech, whatever, make it seem like you are reading it etc. and use this time to relax. Don't worry about taking your time, just relax. Take a minute or five minutes, you are the most important person and you can take all the time in the world, they should fucking wait for you to relax and speak.
2. Never use a piece of paper to read your speech from, if you are going to do it, put it on the podium and read from there. The reason being even if you are not that nervous, it will appear your hands are shaking because it takes just a little bit of shaky hands to make the paper appear really fucking shaking. When you realize this, you are going to grow more nervous and shake even more and the cycle continues.
3. Take mini-breaks to relax yourself, don't fucking apologize for doing it. Go behind the podium and just relax. Again, its your lecture, presentation whatever, you can take breaks when and how much longer you want them.
4. Do not look at the crowd or someone specifically in there especially in the very beginning...it messes some people up. The way i do it is i look at the wall or the very back of the room and it appears i am looking at everyone but i am not. I actually look at the guys and the girls now, in fact i try to seduce the girls using my seductive stance lol but i feel comfortable now. I haven't tried this personally but its an advice a friend gave me and i believe it works.
5. Feel okay to be slow in your movements and speaking, this is important. The reason so many people fuck up and even i did in past is trying to go through things too fast and not giving yourself a chance to breathe. Just do it like what you are doing is important and there is a reasoning behind it even if its just standing there to relax. If you have a white board or something else to write on, start writing points from your lecture at your own pace and use that time to relax. 
6. When you are starting off, whatever time you can get to relax is very important. I know i am over-emphasizing this but really, its all about being relaxed. If you aren't relaxed and it feels weird to you (it shouldn't) to take the time to relax, use some excuse to take a minute from the lecturer or teacher or whoever and use that time to relax. I don't recommend admitting you are nervous and need a minute to relax excuse from the teacher, you will grow even more self-conscious.  Instead, just be smart, drop your pen, marker or whatever to get some time.

That is all i can think of but really, the only thing that has helped me is getting out of my mind and ignoring, not listening to it or replacing my thoughts with positive ones. If we didn't have a mind i believe we all would be very same on the level of confidence but i guess that is what makes us so different and add variety to us. 

Oh i just watched a movie last night and i love this quote

Fear will cause you to hesitate and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true

So true. What i would like to add it is, the more you hesitate the more your mind has a chance to fuck you up. Alright that is the end of this post, its a bit long but there is a lot of golden advice in it that has worked wonders for me and i hope it does for you too.

See you in next post and do tell me about your own fears and how you overcame them. I would love to hear about em

-Steyny

My Firsts List An Update and Some more FIRSTS

Old readers of this blog may remember i made a post years back, almost 4 years ago to be precise about making a list of firsts that i like to call My Firsts inspired by the movie Mini's Firsts. Give that post a read to know what i am talking about and then come back here.

Awesome thing i do right ?....Yep!. Unfortunately in all these 4 years i wish i could say i have done a lot of firsts but that hasn't been the case at least when it comes to positive ones. Which is why i am writing this post as a reminder to update my firsts and make some new ones to achieve.

To start off, there are some i actually did that have been really awesome.

Became a Pothead for the First Time: So smoking cigarette for the first time was not that much fun actually and i didn't get the high that i was hoping i would get...hey what did i know back then i was just a teenager who thought people smoke because they get some sort of high so it was somewhat disappointing. Smoking a Mary-Jane for the first time, however, was total awesomeness!. At that moment, i truly felt my raw power to do anything i didn't care or give a fuck what people thought and hilarity did ensue as i was with my friend walking on a street when we got high. What an amazing night that was.

I don't know why but i have never felt that high i got from the first time smoking and i am not really a pothead. It took months after that that i finally smoked it again and it was awesome alright but not like it was the first time. I guess how you are feeling before the high matters a lot in how you feel during and after the high.

Snorting Cocaine for First Time: You must think i am going to fill this post up about the first time i did all the different drugs by now hahaaaa...i am just kidding. Never did cocaine and never will. Errr..maybe i will, for some reason i don't get addicted to drugs. I thought i will to marijuana but nope. I do love it as its just awesome but i go on months at a time or even a year between smoking so maybe crack will be the same. Crack cocaine is the king of drugs as they say so eh, its worth a try.

Wow this is actually sad, i can't remember any other worth while First that i did in all the 4 years ?. That fucking sucks, Ever since writing that post, my life has taken a turn for the worst but i didn't think it would be that bad. Which is why i am going to make some new firsts and work hard to achieve some of them, also i am just going to copy some of the old ones from my old firsts because they will be fucking awesome to achieve...

2010's Firsts:

• Getting slapped by a girl after i tell her to stick her tongue out and then kissing it!. Awesomeness.
• Skydiving or Bungee jumping or any of adrenaline rushing activity of similar intensity
• Anal Sex  <-Select the text if you want to read but i warn you, some of you may not be quite fond of it and may be disgusted!. Its in guys genes and every guy dreams of it so don't just blame me, i want to do it after taking all necessary steps.
• Dating my first fatty, just for the fun of it.

My New Firsts To Achieve (2014s):

• Get my first car. Seriously, just any car. Yeah i know, don't remind me alright...i still go to places either hitching a ride from friends or via public transportation. The latter does have the benefit of meeting some hotties but i am in my 20s now and NEED A CARRRR BADLY.Even this will do.. Actually nvm, this one looks hella scary like from a horror movie but get the point.

• Meet a celebrity. I did had a chance to work as web-designer for a local celebrity's company that he wanted to make but my God, he was a cheap-ass and to think i liked his music. His payment terms were just ridiculous and it never got through more than telephone talks (yep). I would actually like to meet Liam Neeson or David Duchovny from Californication TV show if anyone watches that but any will do really.
• Get featured in a newspaper, media, TV or movies. I had my name in a newspaper once after i won a programming competition but no photos and i wasn't first. It would be really awesome to get my name and my photo in a magazine or article or any of the media.
• Get in a threesome. Nuff said ;)

Thats about it i guess. I hope i can add some more to my list of firsts but seeing as it is summer here and i don't want to get fried by going out in the sun, there is not a lot of social things i can do. Which is why i have been just doing nerdy thing lately like playing the new game that has come out Watch Dogs and just wasting my time and goofing around in the game with this awesome watch dogs trainer it is kind of funny to kill other players and not dying.

So, what are your Firsts ? Which ones you have accomplished and which you would like to achieve.

-Steyny

Prime example of racism...students gets suspended for her yearbook quote

A news caught my attention the other day about a student getting suspended because of what she wrote in her yearbook quote. It read

When the going gets tough just remember to Barium, Carbon, Potassium, Thorium, Astatine, Arsenic, Sulfur, Uranium, Phosphorus.

If you substitute the chemical elements name with their symbols, it actually means

 When the going gets tough just remember to [Ba][C][K] [Th][At] [As][S] [U][P].

I am going to admit its not too classy but i give her points for her creativity. The reason she wrote that was she was a toddler when Juvenile's song "Back That Azz Up" spent a summer dominating the Billboard 

Hot Rap Singles chart and capsizing a lexicon. "You have to go back and start all over."

Unfortunately for her, the school administration didn't find that funny at all and suspended her. This is a pretty dumb reason for suspending her and i am going to go as far as to say if it was some white-trash kid, they would have found this very funny. Its yearbook quote and people have written all kinds of crazy stupid things without getting noticed but not her. Jeez, it saddens me how much crappy America is becoming especially the school system.

Here is the news source, decide for yourself if banning her was fair or not.

http://news.msn.com/offbeat/the-chemistry-joke-that-got-a-student-suspended-1

-Steyny

I have a stalker

Back when i was a kid....err more like a horny teenager i thought it would be cool to have a stalker. I was a very shy and social inept kid and teenager in my school years and so to have a stalker meant someone actually liked me enough to stalk my shy-self which seemed nice back then...more like awesome as i imagine that old self. However, was i wrong oh boy

I wish this post was about how to deal with stalkers but i have failed miserably at that so its going to be completely different than what i usually post. I am actually pretty reluctant to write this post because it involves her and oh God do i hate her so much...i have this post in draft for days now and only publishing now to let people know this can happen to anyone.

Without going into much details, this whole thing started pretty innocent, i was not dating her and that is the only way things get complicated for me hehe but this wasn't that. We started as friends and she actually was a pretty good friend.

I never thought of her as someone i could date because A. I don't find her attractive and  B. she knew me before i became socially cool. I don't like my old shy self and i consider those years of my life wasted because i am actually a good-looking guy and thinking back at those times girls always showed interest in me but i was too shy to even talk back when talked to, let alone flirt. Some of those girls were actually pretty cool and i can see myself spending my entire life with one of them that i had a crush on but despite her talking to me and showing signs she liked me too, i never had the balls to talk. God, those were terrible times but i digress.

So fast forward to last year she somehow has developed feelings for me. I didn't see that one coming honestly. So i let her know the whole shabang and that was the end of that, at least for a few days. But it actually gets worse and she would bring her feelings up every fucking time. It got actually pretty annoying and this happened over the course of months that i finally told her to get the fuck off and stop seeing me. I did honestly feel bad but that feeling would soon disappear. As i was just welcomed into the world of online stalking...

I told you she knew me for years and so she naturally had my Facebook and any social network i was part of, my emails and most importantly my work website that i work on and visit several hours of the day. You can guess what comes next, right ?.

The worst part of it is she lives in a different place now so i actually have to spend my money to meet her and fucking kill her because she has literally fucked my brains out (not the good kind)....i am not kidding. The first thing she did was stalk my facebook, send me messages which was actually pretty easy to deal with as facebook is awesome when it comes to this. Then it moved to emails and that was tolerable, i ended up blocking all her emails but she would always make new ones to bypass my block list and it got so worse that i had to make a rule to send all emails from unknown senders into junk email.

She is a fucking psycho but thats like the definition of every stalker. Now she has found the best way to annoy the fuck out of me, my website. So she registers a new id and send me these lengthy PMs. I have literally banned like 20 accounts by now, imagine the torture of opening up your website to see a new PM rushing in to see if a client has some issue or something similar of the sort only to find these PMs from her. Imagine this happening for months, get my annoyance ?. I ended up banning the whole country because of her but that is not good for business so i had to unban after a while.

The only thing left to do is photoshopping her naked photos and putting them up on my website(its actually pretty popular) with all her info for the country she lives in but i just can't get myself to do this because that is actually pretty bad and i can't, she knows this and so the cycle continues.

I am pretty clueless as to what the fuck do i do about this, ever seen the stalkers in movies ? She is the same but not even an iota of hot like that. Actually if she was hot like that, i would still not because at this point she fucking disgusts me. I think she will actually forget about me if she was to date someone but she is a fucking loser and its like she thinks i am the only one guy she can score (because of my past) but i have moved up in the world and its about time she should too.

Anybody got any ideas or advice for me ? Someone who might have been in the same situation. Or anybody wanting to date her, please send me a message. 

Where have i disappeared or what am i doing ?

I would be lying if i said i was doing something cool with my life right now, well cool in the sense of social life. Unfortunately, apart from some experimentation i did for my last post on cheating like a pro i have not gotten my member wet for a while now and there is a solid reason for that.

Remember when i said in my first post ever that i am a nerd cum chick magneta, well the nerdy part of me has taken over my soul and made it dark. I am playing Mad Max (a computer game), it has just been released and damn is it amazing!.

Like everything else in my life, i cheat to win and games are no exception. I cheat to finish a game or if i am playing online to sometime gain advantage over other players or be the first because that is just me. I like to be the first whether its in real life or virtual, you can't beat the feeling of being the first in the list of players after a match is finished or that sweet killstreak. There is a reason i am making this post and that is to give my thanks to the makers of this particular trainer i am using, the great thing about it is it works online and you can be totally invincible or kill players. Here is the link - Gamergate i just shared my secret with you guys.

So until my addiction with this game is over, i can't post the second part of my smart cheating guide. I could write the second part based on my experience but i want to experiment a few things first before i release the final part.

Well see you in the next post whenever that may come. I will suggest checking out that link i mentioned in my post because they deserve it!.

-Steyny

Lindsay Lohan Lists The 36 Celebrity Men She has fucked including....Justin Timberlake

Looks like she desperately needed some publicity and what better way to do that than sharing her list of men that have been her past lovers and naming and shaming some of the most A-list celebs in the bizz now.

We didn't exactly have her pegged as The Virgin Mary obviously but DAMMNNNNNNN!!!. Who knew the cute Mean Girls movie star Cady Heron aka Lindsay Lohan would be such a .....i was gonna say 'amazing lover', get your mind out of the gutter. So she sent a shock wave through Hollywood on Wednesday as list of all her celebrity lovers was leaked, reportedly penned by her. And it is AMAZING.

The list, which has...wait for it....36 famous celebs names on it, ranging from Justin Timberlake to Heath Ledger (R.I.P) to Collin Ferell (seriously ?!?) to Evan Peters?? the fuck i am out of here....

I do have to post the list damn it, so needless to say she is an expert on celebrities junk and if you are worried do you have the junk of a celeb, call 1-800-DicksyLohen

She wrote the list while on a night out for fresh love with her friends last year and now InTouch Magazine has got its hands on the precious document, and apparently a LOT of people are running scared because the rumor is no protection was used.

Lindsay Lohan's sex list is pretty epic.

I am sorry, can't continue anymore. Lindsay is spoiled for me and needless to say i wouldn't dating her even if she begs for it. Watch The Canyons if you guys want to see some of her boobies.

The below is shamelessly copied and pasted, go read that while i go check with my doctor, feeling itchy in my groin for some reason.

While the majority of the names on the list are muzzed for legal reasons, there are a good few A-list names that are clearly visible.

And while THEY might be feeling a *little* awkward right now, we're literally amazed that LiLo managed to bag herself such a roll call of hotties.

Basically reading like any girls list of dream men, it includes Zac Efron, Colin Farrell, Max George, James Franco and Adam Levine.

A source, who clearly managed to nab the sex list, told the mag that Lindsay and her friends were laughing about her exploits during a drinking session.

Justin Timberlake when asked, cried and said he didn't know he was sharing the same space with Collin Ferell

They said: "They were giggling and talking s**t about people in the industry.

"It was her personal conquest list and she was on her period. She was trying to impress her friends with the list and then tossed it aside."

While LiLo's staying pretty tight-lipped about the revelation, she has been pretty vocal about her brand new docu-drama that's just kicked off.

She tweeted on Tuesday: "east coast, one hour to go. watch with me xo #LindsayOnOWN."

Wouldn't miss it for the world, Lindsay.

K i am back, the doc said he's been feeling itchy himself and its just lice. Apparently we both got it from sitting on the same couch, though i can't comprehend how do lice go through tight pants and jock underwear. No point in arguing with doc though as he knows best.

Harlem Shake Funny Dance Trend

I am sure all of you have watched a video of this funny dance now, its like a trend on the internet these days and everyone's doing it. I wish i could do a Harlem Shake Steyny Style but none of my team members are under the same roof since we work online and my girlfriends aren't very keen on being videotaped (WHAT??!!) yeah thats my reaction too. So we will have to be content with others doing it and i have taken the liberty to choose some of the best harlem shakes on the internet.

If you have no freakin idea what i am talking about, take a look at this picture

Yeah a bunch of people in masks and unmasked act keep acting crazy the whole length of the song and somehow it is pretty normal. Blame baauer the singer of the song whose song popularized this.

Here is my list of some of the best harlem shakes i found on the internet.

I WARN YOU THOUGH: Its fucking addicting and you might find yourself acting like a maniac for hours hehee

Harlem Shake Funny Dance