Public Speaking and Stage Fright: How i overcame my fears and became a "confident, alpha, important and seductive trance-inducing speaker"!. My journey and how you can perhaps overcome your own fears.

You may think the words i am describing myself as are too cocky, arrogant or full of myself but that is how i imagine myself when i am out there on the stage or about to go there and i believe that is exactly how i represent myself out there and the reason why everyone always compliments me on how amazing, awesome and great i was after i am done delivering my speech.

There is a back-story to why i have decided to write this post, something happened a day ago and actually last week as well and only now i decided to write this because i realized how much of a big deal public speaking is for some people and it was and is for me and maybe my story could inspire or help someone else who is going through the same trouble.

The Past: My first public speaking experience...oh the horrors

Let me capture your attention by first telling you how terrible i actually was and about my first public speaking i did, Honestly, i don't even want to remember it now because its just one of those experiences of my life that i don't want to repeat ever but telling you about it is the only way you can appreciate the journey i had to go through to be how amazing i am.

It was back in 8th grade, the moment i hit the podium, the realization that the whole school was staring me including my crush and i had their complete attention hit me and it hit me hard. My voice cracked, cracked doesn't actually do it justice, it trembled...oh man it felt terrible. The piece of paper i had started shaking, i couldn't keep it still. I was 15 at the time but the memory is still fresh and it still feels bad. Well you get the idea, it was terrible but that would have been fine.

Of course, there is the bullies...there always are. You have to realize i wasn't your "something wrong with him or different" kind of kid in school, i wasn't fat, had pimples or something weird with my body, i was pretty normal and my shortcomings are the results of very fucked up parenting of both my dad and mom.

So this was their moment to bully me and it was horrible, and ironically my crush is the only person who defended me saying it was great, i knew it wasn't, she knew it wasn't but she stood up for me, Her against the whole class, that is the moment i fell in love with her right there and then. That year was horrible obviously and no i didn't thank my crush or even talk to her, i was too much of a pussy, a wuss back then, i would finish school with a broken heart and just leave with only her memories. Thinking back, i realize she liked me as well if not with the same intensity i did but its too late for a realization.

The present: Meet the "confident, alpha, important and seductive trance-inducing Speaker"

Last week, i was asked to present my assignment in university and i was reluctant or more like afraid. My class has 40+ students including girls and that is a big deal because i have always been in schools with small number of students. I decided to do it anyway because i wanted to be good at public-speaking and there is no other way to overcome our fears than face it head-on.

Its funny how our mind only remembers the intimate details of our failures but not our successes. Its vague and its just last week.

When i went up there on the podium, all i can remember now is i loved it. I loved it because it shows your character and i wanted to show my alpha character to the girls, i was facing them, i had their 100% attention, they were staring at me, i had the whole class's undivided attention and its an intoxicating feeling, whats not there to love ??. There was, an ever so slightly worry of fucking it up which i replaced with "i don't care if i fuck up, i tried my best and that is what that matters and i am going to take this one sentence at a time and see what happens". I relaxed standing behind the podium, took my time to relax, started walking towards the class and started "My topic is...." That was it and off i went. It went so great, my voice was so confident and i simply loved the moment. There was a time when my mind tried to fuck me up thinking "oh man i can't believe i am public speaking" i grew a little self-conscious, just a touch of it and my hands started shaking slightly, at which point i stopped, stood behind the podium to hide my nervousness if it was showing and relaxed, i ignored my mind in fact i grew angry at it and dismissed it. Then started again and it was smooth sailing afterwards.

It was simply awesome, so great in fact that i was the only one who received compliments on how great it was and the praise felt intoxicating, just awesome. Most of all, i was proud of myself and happy because i put myself out there and faced my demons and kicked ass, that is what made me the most happy.

The second public speaking that showed all my awesome qualities

I had to do another presentation yesterday although a little reluctantly (i'll tell why) and telling you about it, i am afraid you will feel i am just being too narcissistic but i don't care. It is my moment.    i

The presentation i did yesterday was far better, the best of my life so far. I was even able to do my seductive stance (i'll write about this someday) to "seduce" the girls and just felt very alpha, non-caring and nonchalant . It just felt "magical" like everything was in right place at the right time, i wanted to make the class laugh and when i would look at someone and just smirk they would laugh, it didn't matter who and i could feel the girls salivating for me.

I received the full marks for my presentation (i am the only one so far) and again received compliments for how great it was.

So why was i reluctant ? The lecturer decided we all had to do a presentation and most hadn't prepared it including me so a lot of the guys were kicked out of class (for not doing the presentation, our teacher is anal like that) and when it came my turn, i was too proud to be kicked out the class for a presentation and decided to present whatever was in my mind at the moment...halfway through the presentation when my mind went blank, i asked the teacher if i could prepare it now off the internet and then present to which he agreed and after 15 minutes having half-prepared the presentation with whatever i could find off the internet, i presented again. So it felt even great because i wasn't even prepared and did so great, in fact one of my friend said to me "you did so great without even preparing, i can't imagine how you would have done it if you had prepared".

The future: My goals

Doing this now, i realize i can speak to even far greater crowds. I want to speak to a thousand, nay millions of people, how i have no idea but i am going to add it to my list of Firsts....to speak to a very very large crowd. Oh and i have been thinking about starting some sort of coaching thing, i helped my friends in university who are so terrible, in fact one of the guy in my class was so terrible his voice cracked and he reminded me of the old me LOL. If you are interested in my help, feel free to hit me up, i will be more than glad to lend a hand.

What i did to be this good and overcome my limitations and fears ?

The first thing that pops into my mind as i am writing this is the quote from the movie "Fight Club".

Self-improvement is masturbation

I love the movie but if you take the above quote as masturbation being a destructive habit (and so is self-improvement) then you are wrong. But on the other hand, if you believe masturbation is a good thing then the quote makes sense. And i think masturbation is neither good nor a bad thing, it needs to be done sometimes but a habit of it is not a good thing, i don't really care honestly. So i changed myself through masturb...err i mean self-improvement. I love the movie but if their intention was to ridicule self-improvement then they are wrong.

I am just going to compile a list of things that helped me tremendously and i believe can help anyone who may be going through the fear of public speaking.

• All the public speaking and stage fright advice you find on the internet except this one of course is BULLSHIT. Its written just for the sake of writing by big companies to grab visitors, thats all.

• VERY VERY IMPORTANT Get this mindset hardwired into you. I am going to give it my best shot, it doesn't matter if i fail or succeed, i am going to try and reward myself for trying. And yes, do reward yourself for it in whatever way you like it, just do something, anything that you enjoy even if it is a guilty pleasure!. Masturbation, eating ice cream, watching TV, sex, whatever your pleasure producing thing is, your goal is to release dopamine and pleasure producing hormones but only when you TRY and give it your best.

• Visualization: Its huge but if you are going to do it, you have to do it right. Our minds are so hardwired into visualizing and thinking failures that visualizing and really feeling a successful scenario in your mind is hard. What i do is i imagine a ridiculous but can be true somewhere in universe scenario. I imagine going up to stage, speaking and all the girls go we love you and fuck us right here or they undress and the whole thing turning sexual. It works, it instills a not caring attitude in your head, and you don't really know, it could come true. After all, visualization is just your mind imagination and not the reality, if you are using it to picture negative outcome or plain boring positive ones, why not visualize something awesome that could also be true. Note that, even if you decide not to use visualization, your mind is doing it anyway and most likely in a negative way (if it was positive, you would be an awesome public speaker now and won't be reading this) so why not put it to good use.

• Your mind is a fucking asshole and deserve to die If it was possible without you dying. I am telling you i am being deadly serious when i say this. Our mind fucks us up!. Our failures are the results of our mind fucking us up. Don't get me wrong though, it is an amazing machine, words can't even express how impressive it is but it generates far too many negative outcomes in an untrained person or maybe in an unsuccessful person, i wouldn't know because i can't see what the mind of a jock or a jerk or ladies man produces, my mind produces negativity, it thinks and imagines negative scenarios and i had and have to tame it to produce only positive outcomes. How do you make the negative thinking stop ? There are a lot of ways i believe, Anthony Robbins suggests reframing into a positive thinking, i haven't read his book but so many people testify its a great read and will change your life. What i do and i learned it from someone else that i can't remember the name of anymore, i have an elastic band stripped to my hand. Yes an elastic band and its there all the time!. Whenever i think of a negative thought or imagine myself failing, i get mad at my mind and pull the elastic band and bam. It fucking hurts and let me tell you it also fucking works. My thought process changes instantly. Its not pleasure as some twisted mind may think, its training. I believe our mind is like a dog, you punish it for bad behavior and reward it for good ones. This is me training my mind and it is working.

• Learn to not care about the outcome Easier said than done right ?. But you can train yourself to not care. Go out there and do something you are afraid of, when you fail still reward yourself for trying. Don't be angry at yourself or be pissed, you are only human and you had a difficult childhood. Whatever your reasoning is, whatever bad things you went through to have resulted in your shortcomings now, just accept it and forgive yourself. If your mind tries to fuck you up and makes you feel bad, discipline it. You tried and that is the only thing that MATTERS.

That is all, it is going to be a constant battle and it isn't going to be easy. I do feel a little hesitation when going to the stage but i tell myself i love this and i don't care and i do love it. Now here are some tips when you go up there and you need a little help.

1. Relax. Go behind the podium, open your notes, lecture, speech, whatever, make it seem like you are reading it etc. and use this time to relax. Don't worry about taking your time, just relax. Take a minute or five minutes, you are the most important person and you can take all the time in the world, they should fucking wait for you to relax and speak.
2. Never use a piece of paper to read your speech from, if you are going to do it, put it on the podium and read from there. The reason being even if you are not that nervous, it will appear your hands are shaking because it takes just a little bit of shaky hands to make the paper appear really fucking shaking. When you realize this, you are going to grow more nervous and shake even more and the cycle continues.
3. Take mini-breaks to relax yourself, don't fucking apologize for doing it. Go behind the podium and just relax. Again, its your lecture, presentation whatever, you can take breaks when and how much longer you want them.
4. Do not look at the crowd or someone specifically in there especially in the very beginning...it messes some people up. The way i do it is i look at the wall or the very back of the room and it appears i am looking at everyone but i am not. I actually look at the guys and the girls now, in fact i try to seduce the girls using my seductive stance lol but i feel comfortable now. I haven't tried this personally but its an advice a friend gave me and i believe it works.
5. Feel okay to be slow in your movements and speaking, this is important. The reason so many people fuck up and even i did in past is trying to go through things too fast and not giving yourself a chance to breathe. Just do it like what you are doing is important and there is a reasoning behind it even if its just standing there to relax. If you have a white board or something else to write on, start writing points from your lecture at your own pace and use that time to relax. 
6. When you are starting off, whatever time you can get to relax is very important. I know i am over-emphasizing this but really, its all about being relaxed. If you aren't relaxed and it feels weird to you (it shouldn't) to take the time to relax, use some excuse to take a minute from the lecturer or teacher or whoever and use that time to relax. I don't recommend admitting you are nervous and need a minute to relax excuse from the teacher, you will grow even more self-conscious.  Instead, just be smart, drop your pen, marker or whatever to get some time.

That is all i can think of but really, the only thing that has helped me is getting out of my mind and ignoring, not listening to it or replacing my thoughts with positive ones. If we didn't have a mind i believe we all would be very same on the level of confidence but i guess that is what makes us so different and add variety to us. 

Oh i just watched a movie last night and i love this quote

Fear will cause you to hesitate and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true

So true. What i would like to add it is, the more you hesitate the more your mind has a chance to fuck you up. Alright that is the end of this post, its a bit long but there is a lot of golden advice in it that has worked wonders for me and i hope it does for you too.

See you in next post and do tell me about your own fears and how you overcame them. I would love to hear about em

-Steyny