Saturday, March 29, 2014

Cheating For Dummies: How to cheat on your girlfriend without getting caught PART 1

Let me just say this first before we start, i believe in leaving your girl better than you found her. Believe it or not, i am writing this article to help you with leaving her better. Its like every guy out there has no idea how to cheat properly and ends up hurting the girl when she finds out. Cheating only hurts someone if you get caught, and as they say its not cheating if you don't get caught.

While i advise dumping your girlfriend if you are going to cheat because this gives you better chance of getting back with her after you are done banging other girls to your junk heart's delight, there are a lot of reasons why you would NOT want to dump or lose your girl for even the shortest amount of time but still want to cheat. This guide is for helping with that.

I only cheat if the girl i am currently dating or in a relationship with is a really high quality girl and i have plans for something long-term but the animal side of me wants some cheap exciting fling on the side, here is what i do religiously to make that happen.

1. Cover your tool

It is a no-brainer really, wear a rubber. Going raw is always fun but that is what your girl is for. Not only will you be saving yourself from diseases but also avoid fathering unwanted children. Its ridiculous how much this has come to haunt cheating bustards, be smart and protect your junk. 

2. Keep your guilt to yourself

It is natural you will feel guilty for cheating on your girl and being a scumbag especially if you aren't used to cheating but DO NOT let it change your routine. Girls can sense when something is out of the ordinary especially how you usually act around her so if you feel like being more affectionate, attentive around her or buying her a small gift, slap yourself hard and resist the urge to show any change. You wouldn't believe how small and trivial things can alert her and make her suspicious, surprisingly you can err on the side of neglecting her (not a lot though) but showing affection than usual always makes her think something is wrong.

The key to this is believing in your subconscious you did nothing wrong, if you cheat regularly on her then you need to get the conscious of a stone-cold criminal because the chances of you slipping are higher as you get tired of even your secondary bang and/or the third side-girl you are getting action from. For each successful cheat, the chances of you getting caught increase exponentially so you need to be very vigilant in your attention to details.

3. Deny till you die

Unless you are caught with your dick inside her, DENY...there is no other option. Even if you are caught red-handed, i would still deny and blame the girl for seducing and raping me, it could be funny but it may even work. If you deny it enough times, she will even believe you. Even if she doesn't, its still better to create doubts in her minds about her sources than to come clean and confirm her suspicions. 

4. DO let her hold and play with your phone

It is unbelievable how much bad advice you can find on the internet. Every article i read advises you to NEVER let her touch your phone, what an idiotic thing to suggest. If there is anything i have learned from my cheating experience, its that your cellphone is the #1 thing your girl always checks even if she isn't suspicious. Why don't you let her have it and remove her suspicions. But how do you keep your phone clean of any naughty messages and calls ?.
Its simple, if you are serious about successful cheating and never getting caught go buy yourself another cellphone, i call it the cheating phone. Only store your booty calls in the cheating phone and keep everything else in your normal everyday phone.

So how do you hide your cheating phone ?, the same way you would hide crack from the feds. Ok, i know that sounds too extreme but you get the idea. Shove it up your ass if you have to, don't bring it home, keep it in a drawer in your office, give your phone to homeless and buy a new one each day of course keeping the number whatever it takes. Just do NOT let her know at all costs you have another phone or what's the point of this, right ?.

You are probably thinking that would mean missing calls or sexts from your mistress, if you are worrying about that you are doing it all wrong. Why would you care if your hoe is feeling neglected ? fuck her, precisely what you should be doing to her every time you meet her. Even in the earlier phases of courtship, you don't need your cell for anything other than deciding a place to meet, once you're inside her simply next her or make her your booty call not your girlfriend.

If you want to know how to handle multiple girlfriends, read the part 2 of this guide that truly demands serious modification to your lifestyle suited for cheating like a champion while still being the best boyfriend/husband.

5. Cleaning up after sex

Try to bang your mistresses at their places. But this may not always be possible especially if you are going for the young. The very first thing you need to do when the bang is going to take place is make sure there is absolutely no chance of someone walking in on you especially your girlfriend. That is the most horrible way to get caught and you will end up with blue balls and a broken relationship, not very fun.

Lock your doors so even if your girl comes to your place she wouldn't catch you in the middle of her, you will also buy precious few minutes to throw the skank out the window or hide her in a closet. I don't understand how people get caught this way, its just irresponsible, you are in a hurry to get inside her but you do want to be in there for the full 30 seconds of your manliness right ? Then lock the fucking door.

I shouldn't even be telling you this, its common sense but make sure you don't leave any traces of the hot kinky sex you just had, replace the sheets, take a shower, make absolutely sure even if CSI were to investigate they couldn't find traces of the girl. If the girl leaves behind any personal items, just burn them or trash them she probably didn't need them as bad else she wouldn't forget it in the first place correct ?.

This article is getting pretty big so i am going to end it here. These are just the basics but you absolutely must follow each one of them religiously or you are going to be remembered as a cheater and probably have your and the girl's heart broken. We don't want that. 

If you think i am a bad person for writing this, you are absolutely wrong. I am just sharing my wisdom here and girls cheat a fucking lot more than guys not that i am judging. They do it with guys like me ;)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Lindsay Lohan Lists The 36 Celebrity Men She has fucked including....Justin Timberlake

Looks like she desperately needed some publicity and what better way to do that than sharing her list of men that have been her past lovers and naming and shaming some of the most A-list celebs in the bizz now.

We didn't exactly have her pegged as The Virgin Mary obviously but DAMMNNNNNNN!!!. Who knew the cute Mean Girls movie star Cady Heron aka Lindsay Lohan would be such a .....i was gonna say 'amazing lover', get your mind out of the gutter. So she sent a shock wave through Hollywood on Wednesday as list of all her celebrity lovers was leaked, reportedly penned by her. And it is AMAZING.

The list, which has...wait for it....36 famous celebs names on it, ranging from Justin Timberlake to Heath Ledger (R.I.P) to Collin Ferell (seriously ?!?) to Evan Peters?? the fuck i am out of here....

I do have to post the list damn it, so needless to say she is an expert on celebrities junk and if you are worried do you have the junk of a celeb, call 1-800-DicksyLohen

She wrote the list while on a night out for fresh love with her friends last year and now InTouch Magazine has got its hands on the precious document, and apparently a LOT of people are running scared because the rumor is no protection was used.

Lindsay Lohan's sex list is pretty epic.

I am sorry, can't continue anymore. Lindsay is spoiled for me and needless to say i wouldn't dating her even if she begs for it. Watch The Canyons if you guys want to see some of her boobies.

The below is shamelessly copied and pasted, go read that while i go check with my doctor, feeling itchy in my groin for some reason.

While the majority of the names on the list are muzzed for legal reasons, there are a good few A-list names that are clearly visible.

And while THEY might be feeling a *little* awkward right now, we're literally amazed that LiLo managed to bag herself such a roll call of hotties.

Basically reading like any girls list of dream men, it includes Zac Efron, Colin Farrell, Max George, James Franco and Adam Levine.

A source, who clearly managed to nab the sex list, told the mag that Lindsay and her friends were laughing about her exploits during a drinking session.

Justin Timberlake when asked, cried and said he didn't know he was sharing the same space with Collin Ferell

They said: "They were giggling and talking s**t about people in the industry.

"It was her personal conquest list and she was on her period. She was trying to impress her friends with the list and then tossed it aside."

While LiLo's staying pretty tight-lipped about the revelation, she has been pretty vocal about her brand new docu-drama that's just kicked off.

She tweeted on Tuesday: "east coast, one hour to go. watch with me xo #LindsayOnOWN."
Wouldn't miss it for the world, Lindsay.

K i am back, the doc said he's been feeling itchy himself and its just lice. Apparently we both got it from sitting on the same couch, though i can't comprehend how do lice go through tight pants and jock underwear. No point in arguing with doc though as he knows best.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Harlem Shake Funny Dance Trend

I am sure all of you have watched a video of this funny dance now, its like a trend on the internet these days and everyone's doing it. I wish i could do a Harlem Shake Steyny Style but none of my team members are under the same roof since we work online and my girlfriends aren't very keen on being videotaped (WHAT??!!) yeah thats my reaction too. So we will have to be content with others doing it and i have taken the liberty to choose some of the best harlem shakes on the internet.

If you have no freakin idea what i am talking about, take a look at this picture

Funny Harlem Shake

Yeah a bunch of people in masks and unmasked act keep acting crazy the whole length of the song and somehow it is pretty normal. Blame baauer the singer of the song whose song popularized this.

Here is my list of some of the best harlem shakes i found on the internet.

I WARN YOU THOUGH: Its fucking addicting and you might find yourself acting like a maniac for hours hehee

Harlem Shake Funny Dance

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Hulk Hogan Sex tape with Heather Clem

I feel like i got off a roller coaster - were the words coming out of the Hulkamaniac when he finished up his 5 minutes sex session with his best friends ex-wife Heather Clem. Funny metaphor but there was nothing roller coaster ride like in his sex tape with Heather Clem. It was actually pretty disappointing.

I mean i assume all of us expect Hulk hogan to fuck like a pornstar right ?.

To be honest, its really late and i can't think of some funny jokes to make at Hulk's expense so lets just watch the sex tape already, shall we ?.

I am not sure how long the video on this site will stay as Hulk has become mad at the leakage of the video and sueing the site but fear not, the video is like everywhere hehee..

Have fun :)

Friday, December 23, 2011

FML Post

I fuckin hate myself. At least i have gym to take my anger out but i am so pissed off from myself. FML

I need to work on my goals and act a fucking adult. ARGHHHHHHHH

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Pitbull erection for Jennifer Lopez....

Seems to the hot news lately.Pitbull having an erection for jennifer lopez. I'll let you decide after seeing this photos.

Seems pretty real, however pitbull wears sports cups so you never know it might be that. But really, what do you expect ?. Jennifer Lopez is hot and when she bends like that, any straight man should get massive boner, if not, they might need erectile dysfunction medicines. At least he didn't let it affect him and his voice is still the same whilst singing the song.

You know, this might be asked from pitbull or jennifer lopez, J LO especially cause she would definitely have felt that and can better tell if it was a sports cup or .......

I still like Pitbull and he pulled a public boner in front of crowd of thousands/millions watching on TV, thats ballsy enough for me. And i like ballsy, show em what you got the caveman style!. Telling everyone straight, this my lady and i can't wait to get in that sweet ass.

....that kind of makes me jealous :(...

Check the full song out...

Pitbull Rain Over Me Erection Live Jennifer Lopez Papi American Music Awards AMA 2011

Sunday, November 13, 2011

This is crazy or what are you people looking for here ?

I have been noticing a lot of traffic for this blog and while its pretty pleasing to see so many people coming here and reading what i write...i wonder how come this blog is doing way better than my site lol. Long-time readers of the blog would know i own and run a game hacking/ game trainers site called "dEViATED Game Trainers" and i put more effort advertising-wise and time-wise there than this blog, still its not doing much.

Well, what the hell, i don't mind. It would be really nice though if you people drop some comments as well instead of being anonymous visitors. That should motivate me to write more.

No images for this post as i am very low on time, currently working on a Elder Scrolls 5 Skyrim trainer and L.A Noire and Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 trainer for dEViATED (pheww!!) but i'd drop by some youtube videos that are my favorites and anyone that i shared with have laughed their asses off.

Show me your genitalia women!. A song for the chicks, you should watch it to know what we guys really want from you.

OGFurious's Rebecca Black - Friday Analysis.

Everybody has done their own parody of Rebecca black's friday song but OGFurious is just fucking hilarious, nobody can beat him. Its not a parody or a mock, he actually analyzes the song word by word and tells us what rebecca really wants to say with her song.

I am a fan of that guy and he's a chick pickup artist just like me....we're the good guys ^_^.

On a sidenote, i think i maybe getting back my social life since my university starts in a few and i won't have much time for training games anymore.

Besides, the day i did my first approach ever of a girl is coming quick and i hope to do another approach on the same day or at least somewhere near that. Wish me some guts hehe since the approach anxiety is skyhigh this time. Any girls, please drop a love comment and it sure is to reduce my anxiety, you know you want to because you love me right ? xD

NO PS this time :(

PS: Actually there is a PS. I just noticed 2 spam comments were caught, what the obama balls?!! I don't think you'll earn a single visitor off this blog since the visitor count is like loww...really low!.