Wednesday, May 28, 2014

My Firsts List An Update and Some more FIRSTS

Old readers of this blog may remember i made a post years back, almost 4 years ago to be precise about making a list of firsts that i like to call My Firsts inspired by the movie Mini's Firsts. Give that post a read to know what i am talking about and then come back here.

Awesome thing i do right ?....Yep!. Unfortunately in all these 4 years i wish i could say i have done a lot of firsts but that hasn't been the case at least when it comes to positive ones. Which is why i am writing this post as a reminder to update my firsts and make some new ones to achieve.

To start off, there are some i actually did that have been really awesome.

Became a Pothead for the First Time: So smoking cigarette for the first time was not that much fun actually and i didn't get the high that i was hoping i would get...hey what did i know back then i was just a teenager who thought people smoke because they get some sort of high so it was somewhat disappointing. Smoking a Mary-Jane for the first time, however, was total awesomeness!. At that moment, i truly felt my raw power to do anything i didn't care or give a fuck what people thought and hilarity did ensue as i was with my friend walking on a street when we got high. What an amazing night that was.

I don't know why but i have never felt that high i got from the first time smoking and i am not really a pothead. It took months after that that i finally smoked it again and it was awesome alright but not like it was the first time. I guess how you are feeling before the high matters a lot in how you feel during and after the high.

Snorting Cocaine for First Time: You must think i am going to fill this post up about the first time i did all the different drugs by now hahaaaa...i am just kidding. Never did cocaine and never will. Errr..maybe i will, for some reason i don't get addicted to drugs. I thought i will to marijuana but nope. I do love it as its just awesome but i go on months at a time or even a year between smoking so maybe crack will be the same. Crack cocaine is the king of drugs as they say so eh, its worth a try.

Wow this is actually sad, i can't remember any other worth while First that i did in all the 4 years ?. That fucking sucks, Ever since writing that post, my life has taken a turn for the worst but i didn't think it would be that bad. Which is why i am going to make some new firsts and work hard to achieve some of them, also i am just going to copy some of the old ones from my old firsts because they will be fucking awesome to achieve...

2010's Firsts:

  • Getting slapped by a girl after i tell her to stick her tongue out and then kissing it!. Awesomeness.
  • Skydiving or Bungee jumping or any of adrenaline rushing activity of similar intensity
  • Anal Sex  <-Select the text if you want to read but i warn you, some of you may not be quite fond of it and may be disgusted!. Its in guys genes and every guy dreams of it so don't just blame me, i want to do it after taking all necessary steps.
  • Dating my first fatty, just for the fun of it.

My New Firsts To Achieve (2014s):

  • Get my first car. Seriously, just any car. Yeah i know, don't remind me alright...i still go to places either hitching a ride from friends or via public transportation. The latter does have the benefit of meeting some hotties but i am in my 20s now and NEED A CARRRR BADLY.Even this will do.. Actually nvm, this one looks hella scary like from a horror movie but get the point.
  • Meet a celebrity. I did had a chance to work as web-designer for a local celebrity's company that he wanted to make but my God, he was a cheap-ass and to think i liked his music. His payment terms were just ridiculous and it never got through more than telephone talks (yep). I would actually like to meet Liam Neeson or David Duchovny from Californication TV show if anyone watches that but any will do really.
  • Get featured in a newspaper, media, TV or movies. I had my name in a newspaper once after i won a programming competition but no photos and i wasn't first. It would be really awesome to get my name and my photo in a magazine or article or any of the media.
  • Get in a threesome. Nuff said ;)
Thats about it i guess. I hope i can add some more to my list of firsts but seeing as it is summer here and i don't want to get fried by going out in the sun, there is not a lot of social things i can do. Which is why i have been just doing nerdy thing lately like playing the new game that has come out Watch Dogs and just wasting my time and goofing around in the game with this awesome watch dogs trainer it is kind of funny to kill other players and not dying.

So, what are your Firsts ? Which ones you have accomplished and which you would like to achieve.


Saturday, May 24, 2014

Prime example of racism...students gets suspended for her yearbook quote

A news caught my attention the other day about a student getting suspended because of what she wrote in her yearbook quote. It read

When the going gets tough just remember to Barium, Carbon, Potassium, Thorium, Astatine, Arsenic, Sulfur, Uranium, Phosphorus.
If you substitute the chemical elements name with their symbols, it actually means

 When the going gets tough just remember to [Ba][C][K] [Th][At] [As][S] [U][P].
I am going to admit its not too classy but i give her points for her creativity. The reason she wrote that was she was a toddler when Juvenile's song "Back That Azz Up" spent a summer dominating the Billboard 
Hot Rap Singles chart and capsizing a lexicon. "You have to go back and start all over."

Unfortunately for her, the school administration didn't find that funny at all and suspended her. This is a pretty dumb reason for suspending her and i am going to go as far as to say if it was some white-trash kid, they would have found this very funny. Its yearbook quote and people have written all kinds of crazy stupid things without getting noticed but not her. Jeez, it saddens me how much crappy America is becoming especially the school system.

Here is the news source, decide for yourself if banning her was fair or not.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

I have a stalker

Back when i was a kid....err more like a horny teenager i thought it would be cool to have a stalker. I was a very shy and social inept kid and teenager in my school years and so to have a stalker meant someone actually liked me enough to stalk my shy-self which seemed nice back then...more like awesome as i imagine that old self. However, was i wrong oh boy

I wish this post was about how to deal with stalkers but i have failed miserably at that so its going to be completely different than what i usually post. I am actually pretty reluctant to write this post because it involves her and oh God do i hate her so much...i have this post in draft for days now and only publishing now to let people know this can happen to anyone.

Without going into much details, this whole thing started pretty innocent, i was not dating her and that is the only way things get complicated for me hehe but this wasn't that. We started as friends and she actually was a pretty good friend.

I never thought of her as someone i could date because A. I don't find her attractive and  B. she knew me before i became socially cool. I don't like my old shy self and i consider those years of my life wasted because i am actually a good-looking guy and thinking back at those times girls always showed interest in me but i was too shy to even talk back when talked to, let alone flirt. Some of those girls were actually pretty cool and i can see myself spending my entire life with one of them that i had a crush on but despite her talking to me and showing signs she liked me too, i never had the balls to talk. God, those were terrible times but i digress.

So fast forward to last year she somehow has developed feelings for me. I didn't see that one coming honestly. So i let her know the whole shabang and that was the end of that, at least for a few days. But it actually gets worse and she would bring her feelings up every fucking time. It got actually pretty annoying and this happened over the course of months that i finally told her to get the fuck off and stop seeing me. I did honestly feel bad but that feeling would soon disappear. As i was just welcomed into the world of online stalking...

I told you she knew me for years and so she naturally had my Facebook and any social network i was part of, my emails and most importantly my work website that i work on and visit several hours of the day. You can guess what comes next, right ?.

The worst part of it is she lives in a different place now so i actually have to spend my money to meet her and fucking kill her because she has literally fucked my brains out (not the good kind)....i am not kidding. The first thing she did was stalk my facebook, send me messages which was actually pretty easy to deal with as facebook is awesome when it comes to this. Then it moved to emails and that was tolerable, i ended up blocking all her emails but she would always make new ones to bypass my block list and it got so worse that i had to make a rule to send all emails from unknown senders into junk email.

She is a fucking psycho but thats like the definition of every stalker. Now she has found the best way to annoy the fuck out of me, my website. So she registers a new id and send me these lengthy PMs. I have literally banned like 20 accounts by now, imagine the torture of opening up your website to see a new PM rushing in to see if a client has some issue or something similar of the sort only to find these PMs from her. Imagine this happening for months, get my annoyance ?. I ended up banning the whole country because of her but that is not good for business so i had to unban after a while.

The only thing left to do is photoshopping her naked photos and putting them up on my website(its actually pretty popular) with all her info for the country she lives in but i just can't get myself to do this because that is actually pretty bad and i can't, she knows this and so the cycle continues.

I am pretty clueless as to what the fuck do i do about this, ever seen the stalkers in movies ? She is the same but not even an iota of hot like that. Actually if she was hot like that, i would still not because at this point she fucking disgusts me. I think she will actually forget about me if she was to date someone but she is a fucking loser and its like she thinks i am the only one guy she can score (because of my past) but i have moved up in the world and its about time she should too.

Anybody got any ideas or advice for me ? Someone who might have been in the same situation. Or anybody wanting to date her, please send me a message. 

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Where have i disappeared or what am i doing ?

I would be lying if i said i was doing something cool with my life right now, well cool in the sense of social life. Unfortunately, apart from some experimentation i did for my last post on cheating like a pro i have not gotten my member wet for a while now and there is a solid reason for that.

Remember when i said in my first post ever that i am a nerd cum chick magneta, well the nerdy part of me has taken over my soul and made it dark. I am playing Dark Souls 2 (a computer game), it has just been released and damn is it amazing!.

Like everything else in my life, i cheat to win and games are no exception. I cheat to finish a game or if i am playing online to sometime gain advantage over other players or be the first because that is just me. I like to be the first whether its in real life or virtual, you can't beat the feeling of being the first in the list of players after a match is finished or that sweet killstreak. There is a reason i am making this post and that is to give my thanks to the makers of this particular trainer i am using, the great thing about it is it works online and you can be totally invincible or kill players. Here is the link to this amazing dark souls 2 trainer i just shared my secret with you guys.

So until my addiction with this game is over, i can't post the second part of my smart cheating guide. I could write the second part based on my experience but i want to experiment a few things first before i release the final part.

Well see you in the next post whenever that may come. I will suggest checking out that link i mentioned in my post because they deserve it!.


Saturday, March 29, 2014

Cheating For Dummies: How to cheat on your girlfriend without getting caught PART 1

Let me just say this first before we start, i believe in leaving your girl better than you found her. Believe it or not, i am writing this article to help you with leaving her better. Its like every guy out there has no idea how to cheat properly and ends up hurting the girl when she finds out. Cheating only hurts someone if you get caught, and as they say its not cheating if you don't get caught.

While i advise dumping your girlfriend if you are going to cheat because this gives you better chance of getting back with her after you are done banging other girls to your junk heart's delight, there are a lot of reasons why you would NOT want to dump or lose your girl for even the shortest amount of time but still want to cheat. This guide is for helping with that.

I only cheat if the girl i am currently dating or in a relationship with is a really high quality girl and i have plans for something long-term but the animal side of me wants some cheap exciting fling on the side, here is what i do religiously to make that happen.

1. Cover your tool

It is a no-brainer really, wear a rubber. Going raw is always fun but that is what your girl is for. Not only will you be saving yourself from diseases but also avoid fathering unwanted children. Its ridiculous how much this has come to haunt cheating bustards, be smart and protect your junk. 

2. Keep your guilt to yourself

It is natural you will feel guilty for cheating on your girl and being a scumbag especially if you aren't used to cheating but DO NOT let it change your routine. Girls can sense when something is out of the ordinary especially how you usually act around her so if you feel like being more affectionate, attentive around her or buying her a small gift, slap yourself hard and resist the urge to show any change. You wouldn't believe how small and trivial things can alert her and make her suspicious, surprisingly you can err on the side of neglecting her (not a lot though) but showing affection than usual always makes her think something is wrong.

The key to this is believing in your subconscious you did nothing wrong, if you cheat regularly on her then you need to get the conscious of a stone-cold criminal because the chances of you slipping are higher as you get tired of even your secondary bang and/or the third side-girl you are getting action from. For each successful cheat, the chances of you getting caught increase exponentially so you need to be very vigilant in your attention to details.

3. Deny till you die

Unless you are caught with your dick inside her, DENY...there is no other option. Even if you are caught red-handed, i would still deny and blame the girl for seducing and raping me, it could be funny but it may even work. If you deny it enough times, she will even believe you. Even if she doesn't, its still better to create doubts in her minds about her sources than to come clean and confirm her suspicions. 

4. DO let her hold and play with your phone

It is unbelievable how much bad advice you can find on the internet. Every article i read advises you to NEVER let her touch your phone, what an idiotic thing to suggest. If there is anything i have learned from my cheating experience, its that your cellphone is the #1 thing your girl always checks even if she isn't suspicious. Why don't you let her have it and remove her suspicions. But how do you keep your phone clean of any naughty messages and calls ?.
Its simple, if you are serious about successful cheating and never getting caught go buy yourself another cellphone, i call it the cheating phone. Only store your booty calls in the cheating phone and keep everything else in your normal everyday phone.

So how do you hide your cheating phone ?, the same way you would hide crack from the feds. Ok, i know that sounds too extreme but you get the idea. Shove it up your ass if you have to, don't bring it home, keep it in a drawer in your office, give your phone to homeless and buy a new one each day of course keeping the number whatever it takes. Just do NOT let her know at all costs you have another phone or what's the point of this, right ?.

You are probably thinking that would mean missing calls or sexts from your mistress, if you are worrying about that you are doing it all wrong. Why would you care if your hoe is feeling neglected ? fuck her, precisely what you should be doing to her every time you meet her. Even in the earlier phases of courtship, you don't need your cell for anything other than deciding a place to meet, once you're inside her simply next her or make her your booty call not your girlfriend.

If you want to know how to handle multiple girlfriends, read the part 2 of this guide that truly demands serious modification to your lifestyle suited for cheating like a champion while still being the best boyfriend/husband.

5. Cleaning up after sex

Try to bang your mistresses at their places. But this may not always be possible especially if you are going for the young. The very first thing you need to do when the bang is going to take place is make sure there is absolutely no chance of someone walking in on you especially your girlfriend. That is the most horrible way to get caught and you will end up with blue balls and a broken relationship, not very fun.

Lock your doors so even if your girl comes to your place she wouldn't catch you in the middle of her, you will also buy precious few minutes to throw the skank out the window or hide her in a closet. I don't understand how people get caught this way, its just irresponsible, you are in a hurry to get inside her but you do want to be in there for the full 30 seconds of your manliness right ? Then lock the fucking door.

I shouldn't even be telling you this, its common sense but make sure you don't leave any traces of the hot kinky sex you just had, replace the sheets, take a shower, make absolutely sure even if CSI were to investigate they couldn't find traces of the girl. If the girl leaves behind any personal items, just burn them or trash them she probably didn't need them as bad else she wouldn't forget it in the first place correct ?.

This article is getting pretty big so i am going to end it here. These are just the basics but you absolutely must follow each one of them religiously or you are going to be remembered as a cheater and probably have your and the girl's heart broken. We don't want that. 

If you think i am a bad person for writing this, you are absolutely wrong. I am just sharing my wisdom here and girls cheat a fucking lot more than guys not that i am judging. They do it with guys like me ;)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Lindsay Lohan Lists The 36 Celebrity Men She has fucked including....Justin Timberlake

Looks like she desperately needed some publicity and what better way to do that than sharing her list of men that have been her past lovers and naming and shaming some of the most A-list celebs in the bizz now.

We didn't exactly have her pegged as The Virgin Mary obviously but DAMMNNNNNNN!!!. Who knew the cute Mean Girls movie star Cady Heron aka Lindsay Lohan would be such a .....i was gonna say 'amazing lover', get your mind out of the gutter. So she sent a shock wave through Hollywood on Wednesday as list of all her celebrity lovers was leaked, reportedly penned by her. And it is AMAZING.

The list, which has...wait for it....36 famous celebs names on it, ranging from Justin Timberlake to Heath Ledger (R.I.P) to Collin Ferell (seriously ?!?) to Evan Peters?? the fuck i am out of here....

I do have to post the list damn it, so needless to say she is an expert on celebrities junk and if you are worried do you have the junk of a celeb, call 1-800-DicksyLohen

She wrote the list while on a night out for fresh love with her friends last year and now InTouch Magazine has got its hands on the precious document, and apparently a LOT of people are running scared because the rumor is no protection was used.

Lindsay Lohan's sex list is pretty epic.

I am sorry, can't continue anymore. Lindsay is spoiled for me and needless to say i wouldn't dating her even if she begs for it. Watch The Canyons if you guys want to see some of her boobies.

The below is shamelessly copied and pasted, go read that while i go check with my doctor, feeling itchy in my groin for some reason.

While the majority of the names on the list are muzzed for legal reasons, there are a good few A-list names that are clearly visible.

And while THEY might be feeling a *little* awkward right now, we're literally amazed that LiLo managed to bag herself such a roll call of hotties.

Basically reading like any girls list of dream men, it includes Zac Efron, Colin Farrell, Max George, James Franco and Adam Levine.

A source, who clearly managed to nab the sex list, told the mag that Lindsay and her friends were laughing about her exploits during a drinking session.

Justin Timberlake when asked, cried and said he didn't know he was sharing the same space with Collin Ferell

They said: "They were giggling and talking s**t about people in the industry.

"It was her personal conquest list and she was on her period. She was trying to impress her friends with the list and then tossed it aside."

While LiLo's staying pretty tight-lipped about the revelation, she has been pretty vocal about her brand new docu-drama that's just kicked off.

She tweeted on Tuesday: "east coast, one hour to go. watch with me xo #LindsayOnOWN."
Wouldn't miss it for the world, Lindsay.

K i am back, the doc said he's been feeling itchy himself and its just lice. Apparently we both got it from sitting on the same couch, though i can't comprehend how do lice go through tight pants and jock underwear. No point in arguing with doc though as he knows best.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Harlem Shake Funny Dance Trend

I am sure all of you have watched a video of this funny dance now, its like a trend on the internet these days and everyone's doing it. I wish i could do a Harlem Shake Steyny Style but none of my team members are under the same roof since we work online and my girlfriends aren't very keen on being videotaped (WHAT??!!) yeah thats my reaction too. So we will have to be content with others doing it and i have taken the liberty to choose some of the best harlem shakes on the internet.

If you have no freakin idea what i am talking about, take a look at this picture

Funny Harlem Shake

Yeah a bunch of people in masks and unmasked act keep acting crazy the whole length of the song and somehow it is pretty normal. Blame baauer the singer of the song whose song popularized this.

Here is my list of some of the best harlem shakes i found on the internet.

I WARN YOU THOUGH: Its fucking addicting and you might find yourself acting like a maniac for hours hehee

Harlem Shake Funny Dance